by Laura Crum
I’ve
been sick. Yucky bug which went to my lungs and then lit up my asthma. And
suddenly walking down to the barn to feed the horses is overwhelming, not to
mention sleeping at night is impossible…etc. This has been going on for over a
week now, not counting the two weeks I was “kind of” sick with the cough/cold
bug, BEFORE it turned into an asthma attack.
I
know, you’re all thinking yeah, yeah, yeah, we all go through it, why are you
whining? And the truth is, I’m not really wanting to whine. I’m wanting to talk
about the benefits of downtime.
For
a week now I’ve been forced to stay home and rest. My husband and son have been
feeding the horses for me. I’m not doing much of anything but puttering around
looking at things. And reading. And writing. And you know what? I really like
it.
I
have time to drink a cup of tea and watch a sunrise from start to finish.
I
have time to watch a buck wander around behind my house.
I
have time…I think that in itself is a huge gift. People spend big money to
vacation at some cute little cabin and just relax. I don’t need to pay a cent.
I just need an excuse to stop being so busy with “doing.” And this being sick
is the perfect excuse. I have time to sit on the porch in the sun.
I
finally finished an essay that I started six months ago concerning the insights
I’ve had about life…etc. And yes, this was an ambitious piece and I’m beyond
thrilled that I finally just sat down and finished it. And I’ve been able to
process some of the difficult things that have happened lately and see them a
little more clearly. I’ve gotten a lot of truth about what is important to me
and what is not. I’m actually quite happy to be in this mode—I wouldn’t mind if
it lasted another week.
Yes,
I miss riding. But after many, many years of riding non-stop, I can take a
break. I can stop and smell the flowers (metaphorically, anyway--there aren't many actual flowers in the garden at this point) and not worry about what I’m NOT
getting done. This would have been much harder for me in my 20’s and 30’s. But
in my 50’s, I see life a little differently.
I’ll
tell you one thing I don’t miss. Being out in the world dealing with people. My
best friends come by to see me and we talk, my husband and son are here with
me. I really don’t miss interacting with the world of people in general. I
watch my horses and I watch the wild animals and you know, it’s a lovely world
right here. The last six months have taught me some big lessons. I will never
be so trusting with people again. It is only too sadly true that some will
pretend to be your friend and turn against you as soon as they perceive it to
be in their own best interests to do so.
And
so I am taking some time to rest and heal and be a peaceful hermit. There is
always much here to delight me, and my horses and other animals are all doing
well. Sunny is a bit bored and gallops up and down his corral at feeding time
as if to tell me, “Look, I’m ready to do something.” But the other horses seem
content.
And
then there is the magical world of the greenhouse. The greenhouse is my
husband’s project. He always wanted a greenhouse of his own (he makes his living
growing plants and so has spent many, many hours in greenhouses), and last year
we made it happen. By early December the greenhouse was here.
I
didn’t originally have a lot of interest in the greenhouse—I thought of it as
Andy’s deal. But over the two months it has been here, I have grown very fond
of it. It is beautiful and full of life and my husband and son have so many
interesting projects they are doing together there.
My
son’s hydroponics project—which is providing us with salad every night.
Growing food is becoming a huge passion for our family. We have been very interested in growing our own food for
many years. We raise our own grassfed beef, we have a veggie garden and fruit
trees and chickens for eggs. Growing your own food connects you to the “real”
world in a way that I can’t really explain; those who do it will understand. It
is a little like owning and riding horses. It connects us to something deep in
our human selves that is connected to the natural world that we truly live in.
It helps us feel a part of what is, rather than separate. Not to mention it is
good for us and good for the planet. We relate to life very differently when we
grow our own food rather than going to the grocery store and buying it.
So
yeah, we are loving growing even more of our own food. Basil, cucumber and
strawberry plants in the greenhouse.
My
husband’s seedling beds.
Finally,
I’m going to build a pool. This may not be of much interest to you dedicated
horse people, but I have been just as interested in my garden as I am in my
horses for many years. And my current passionate dream is to build a small
rocky pool. Planning the pool gives me many happy hours of imaginative
thinking, and I have many books on the subject—I haunt the websites of some
fine designers of garden pools.
So
yes, I am sick, I’m not doing much with my horses currently, I’m still
processing some shitty experiences I had in 2013. But overall I’m enjoying the
magical world I live in right here, and planning the next cool thing I want to
do. So you know, life IS good. Despite my being sick.