I Forget

                                                            by Laura Crum

            In my current life, I forget I am an “author.” It just doesn’t seem very important. The fact that I spent twenty years writing mystery novels, had twelve books published by a legitimate publisher (meaning not self-published), and that I still get a check every month from sales of these books—well, I don’t think about these things much any more. I don’t bother doing publicity for the books on “social media”—as I used to do, other than writing these blog posts on Equestrian Ink, which are mostly not about my writing or even my horses. They are about things that matter to me now.

            I quit writing my mystery series several years ago when the twelfth book in the series, “Barnstorming” was published. My goal had always been to write a dozen books and I achieved that goal. I truly didn’t feel motivated to write more novels. The books cover twenty years in the life of one woman, and it took me twenty years to write them. Serendipity. “Barnstorming” is the last.

            But the other day something happened to remind me that yes, I am still an author. A new acquaintance asked me what I did “for a living.” I gave the short answer and said that for the last twenty years I had been an author. She was immediately interested, and asked about my books. I explained that they were horse-themed mysteries, with an equine vet as a protagonist and she said what people so often say. “I would love to read them. Can you bring me one? Your favorite.” This comment, though well meant, always makes me grit my teeth a little. People assume the author has an endless supply of her own books to give away (not true), and that I have a favorite (not true). But OK, it is well meant, and the person is interested in my books.

            I did what I always do if I like the individual. I explained that the books were a series and best to start with the first one, though it certainly isn’t the best book, in my opinion. I said I would give her the first one and if she liked it she could acquire the others herself. When I went home I couldn’t find any copies of Cutter (my first novel, written over twenty years ago) kicking around the house, so I ordered one from Amazon. Four dollars and change, including the shipping, for a hardcover. Not bad. And a few days later the book arrived at my front gate. Voila.

            I brought the book to the acquaintance next time I saw her, and to my amazement she was flatteringly effusive. “I didn’t know you were a famous author. I looked you up on Amazon and all your books have four and five star ratings and lots of reviews and I’m really impressed.”

            I must admit I stared at her in surprise. “I’m not a famous author, “ I said, “far from it. I’m a relatively unknown author. But it’s nice of you to say.”

            Now here I have to add that I really don’t pay much attention to my “career” any more. I have other things to think about. So I don’t look at my reviews on Amazon. But I went home and looked at Cutter and it did have plenty of reviews and was rated four stars. Then I looked up the second book in the series (Hoofprints) and it had 46 reviews and was rated four and a half stars.

            I didn’t feel motivated to look up the rest of the books, so have no idea if they have very many reviews or what they’re rated star-wise. But I did smile to see all the kind words that were said about Cutter and Hoofprints, my first two efforts. And I realized that though I’m not invested in my “success,” I am happy that so many people have read and enjoyed my stories. That means something to me.

I spent many years and much effort on my novels. I wove into them all the little insights on life that I had to offer. My husband and son make appearances as characters, as do my horses and dogs and home. Many of my personal experiences became part of the protagonist’s life. On top of which I tried to create a unique and credible mystery plot for each story, complete with plenty of excitement and horse action. Every single detail about horses comes from real things that have happened to me in a lifetime spent owning and training actual horses (not doing “research”), and each book takes on an aspect of the horse business that I have known well and deeply. Cutting, cowhorse, team roping, ranching, breaking and training a colt, horse packing in the mountains, trail riding here on the coast…even a TB layup farm thanks to my sister-in-law, who trains TB race horses (Moonblind), and an endurance ride, thanks to my friend who is a vet and worked on such rides (Roughstock). These equine events form the background of my stories. And though I have never been chased by a villain on horseback, I HAVE galloped flat out over the terrain that I use as the basis for these scenes (yes, including the beach).

Anyway, yesterday I picked up Cutter and read the first couple of chapters, just to see how it might strike my new friend. And you know, it read pretty good, considering this is maybe the 100^th time I’ve seen those words (due to all the re-writing I had to do to get published, not my obsession with my own work). I was pleased. I realized that the books mean something to me. So maybe I am still an author after all.

(And to all those who have read my mystery novels, and especially anyone who took the time to post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or anywhere else, a big thank you!)

           

            

I Answer a Few Critics

                                   by Laura Crum

            Reading reader reviews of one’s own book on Amazon can be interesting, cheering, and frustrating—all at once. Obviously positive reviews are a joy for the author and outright negative reviews are pretty crushing (fortunately I haven’t had too many of this last sort). Some reviews are mixed, with the reviewer stating what he/she did and did not like about the book. A lot of the time I understand exactly why the reviewer had a certain objection; sometimes it concerns a fault that I can easily see and acknowledge. What I find very frustrating is the reviews in which I think the reviewer is just plain wrong. So today I’d like to bring up some of the negative things that have been said about my books by readers, and respond to them.

            Let’s take Cutter, my first mystery novel, set in the world of cutting horses. Cutter has a four star rating on Amazon, so obviously it has been pretty well liked by readers overall. But…there is one very negative review in which the reviewer states that my glaring lack of knowledge about horses ruins the book. She says she owns and raises horses and that I “need to do more research.” I will admit that looking at this particular review makes my blood boil, so I try not to go there. But here is what I would like to say to this reviewer.

            “Lady, I don’t care how many horses you have, or if your horse keeping practices are vastly different from mine. I dare you to show me ONE place in the book where I am inaccurate in what I say about horses. Everything in my books (regarding horses) is modeled on things I have actually seen and done, with the exception of some dastardly deeds, and these are also as accurate as my long career with horses (and checking with my vet) can make them. You may not like my writing style, you may disapprove of the way horses are treated in the western horse world, you may just not like my tone, and that’s all fine. But you are 100% dead wrong about my information being inaccurate.”

            Very satisfying to write that out and post it here. But very frustrating to think that potential readers are being told something negative about my books that is simply not true. I’m not sure what was in this reviewer’s mind when she wrote this comment, because she fails to give any specific point where she thinks I am inaccurate. And, of course, I can’t know if she really has horses or knows anything about horses at all. But there her review sits, among all the others that attest to the fact that the book is very accurate in all its horse background. Grrr…

            Then there are the criticisms that I actually agree with. Several people have said that they really liked Cutter and Hoofprints (my first two novels, rated four stars and four 1/2 stars respectively on Amazon), but did not like my excessive use of dashes. To these people I would like to say that I am sorry for this fault, and give an explanation.

            When I put Cutter and Hoofprints up as Kindle editions, I had no electronic copies of the manuscripts. At the time I wrote them, the publishing company that bought them worked strictly on paper copies. Thus the editing and the final editions did not exist in digital form. So I had to have the actual hard copy books scanned in and then go through the resulting digital copies trying to take all the scanner errors out. This was not easy. Certain scanner errors just weren’t that obvious, though I went over the books many times. The hardest thing turned out to be the fact that I literally could not tell that a dash which appeared to be a needed hyphen at the end of a line would end up being an unneeded dash in the text when it finally appeared on the Kindle. Thus the books ended up having a lot of extra dashes as Kindle editions.

            I apologize for those dashes. I know I should return to the books and edit them some more and try to get the extra dashes out. The truth is that I have been overwhelmed with other projects, and getting the books edited and put up on Kindle was a six month project that took ALL of my time and I just can’t face going back to it…yet. Some readers have assured me that the remaining scanner errors (dashes and such) do not detract from the books, and some readers obviously feel differently. So this is a very legitimate criticism.

            And then there are those criticisms that seem particular to the critic. For instance, I have been criticized for deviating from the plot stream (too often) to describe details of the landscape and weather. This “fault” has annoyed a few readers. However, some readers praise my books for just this reason. They say I do a great job of evoking the places I write about through accurate detail. “I felt like I was right there with Gail as she rode those trails,” is a frequent response to my books. So it’s hard for me to say if this trait in my writing (which I freely admit to—I love describing landscape and weather and trying to create through words the feeling these things give you) is a strength or a weakness. Maybe both?

            There are those who just don’t consider my protagonist “likable enough,” and there are those who think she is just like a best friend. I have to guess that’s a reflection of personality style on the part of the reader. I’d venture to say that chatty, outgoing extroverts are likely to find Gail a bit of a cold fish, and quiet, introspective introverts who are something of a loner in real life will like Gail and relate well to her.

There are a few who resent what they describe as a sudden dramatic wrap-up in some of my books that presents them with an unexpected villain, and there are many who praise my books because they never figure out who-dun-it ahead of time. I’m here to tell you that the “surprise” villain is/was a real thorn in my side as an author. I never realized that this was an expected feature of a mystery until my books were bought by a major NY publisher and my editor made it clear to me that the reader must always be surprised by the ending. They don’t call mysteries “who-dun-its” for nothing. You are not allowed to build up to an inevitable conclusion in a strong logical manner through clear character development, as you might do in a thriller, or sci-fi or whatever. No, you must somehow disguise the killer’s motivation thoroughly enough that the reader is surprised when the villain is revealed at the end.

Needless to say this isn’t easy to do, and DOES result in a story where the killer’s true purpose and character must be hidden—resulting in a rather sudden revelation and wrap-up—in order to create that sense of surprise which the mystery reader expects. I sometimes find this frustrating myself as a writer, so I can understand why a reader might critique me for it. But perhaps it helps to understand the trap the mystery author is in? Give too much info about the villain and his/her motivation and everyone will guess who it is before the “surprise” ending. But giving very little info ahead of time results in that sudden wrap-up/revelation that often seems a bit contrived and not-so-believable.

And finally there is the thing which has drawn the most criticism (and the most hostile criticism) of all. I had the nerve to turn my equine vet into a mom in the ninth book in the series. Even more, a stay-at-home mom who practices attachment parenting (or natural parenting). God forbid.

Quite a few readers who absolutely LOVED my books when Gail was a single veterinarian were very unhappy when I gave her a baby. Childless women themselves, they found the topic of motherhood boring, and the idea that Gail would actually stay at home to take care of her baby rather than go back to work as a vet was repulsive to them. All I can say to this is oh well. Before I was a mother, I found the topic of motherhood boring, too, so I get it.

To explain why I transformed my busy, dedicated horse vet into a mom (Gail still has horses, and the later mysteries in the series are all very horse-themed, by the way), well, I wanted to write about motherhood because it has been a huge and fascinating part of the last fifteen years of my life. I had said all that I had to say about the life of a veterinarian (and more than a few horse vets have told me that I was writing their lives, so I think I did a decent job on that subject), and I decided to write about a topic that interested me now, in order to keep myself engaged with the series after turning out eight previous books. The fact that not everybody was going to like this motherhood theme was absolutely something I understood going in. I found I was less interested in pleasing people than in portraying small truths and insights about life that I have learned over the years, through/in my fiction. If some don’t like my last four books because of the “mama” theme, so be it. Lots of people do like these books—and I am guessing that other moms are probably more likely to like the stories than non-moms. However, judging by the reviews, there are exceptions to this rule. One of my absolute favorite reader reviews of Chasing Cans (which is the book in which Gail has a nursing baby to deal with as she solves a mystery at the barrel racing trainer’s ranch next door) is as follows:

           

I was prepared to not like this book so much based on previous reviews. People have pretty harshly judged this story because of the  new mom theme running throughout the book. So I read it, and to the Neigh-sayers, I say, "SO WHAT." We have read about Dr. Gail McCarthy throughout many ages and stages of her life, and becoming a new mom is just another one of her ages and stages. It's one of the things that apparently makes Gail, Gail. In the meantime, the author still weaves a credible mystery and an interesting story, and no matter what, the author's writing style always wins me over because her dialogue is so well crafted. I feel like I really know her characters and their personalities, and the same cannot be said for very many authors I have read recently. I hope Laura Crum continues to write, and I will continue to read them, even if Dr. Gail McCarthy (or any other character she conjures up) goes into pre-menopausal nervous breakdowns, joins religious cults, and just sits in corners and drools and babbles. Yes, Laura Crum's writing is skillful enough to make even that into a mystery and make it interesting as well.

       Now that is a review that makes me smile. She gave the book 5 stars, too.

       Anyway, I know all authors deal with this issue (surely there isn’t anyone who gets ALL good reviews)—anyone have any insights on your own experiences dealing with negative reader reviews?

       

"Hoofprints" is FREE Today--Happy Halloween!

                                   by Laura Crum

            So today I have another gift for you. In honor of Halloween, my second novel, Hoofprints, is free today and tomorrow (Oct 30^th and 31^st) as a Kindle edition. Hoofprints features my series protagonist, veterinarian Gail McCarthy, and centers around the world of reined cowhorses. Hoofprints is rated four and a half stars on Amazon.  Click on the title to find the free edition and to read more about the book, as well as plenty of reviews.

            It occurred to me that perhaps some potential readers might wonder what credentials I have to write about about reined cowhorses and/or cutting horses. So today I thought I’d fill you in on my background in this area.

When I was in my twenties, I was obsessed with cowhorses. I went to work for several well known cowhorse and cutting horse trainers as an assistant, and I rode many, many accomplished horses in these barns, as well as helped train over a hundred young horses. I trained my good gelding, Gunner, to be first a reined cowhorse (we competed at the Snaffle Bit Futurity and placed in the Non-Pro and the Ladies Divisions), and then a cutting horse (we placed in the Non-Pro Division of the Northwest Superstakes when Gunner was four years old and went on to win numerous smaller awards, including the cutting at our local county fair). The photo below shows Gunner and me winning the cutting at the Santa Cruz County Fair when Gunner was eight years old.

            Along the way, I rubbed shoulders with some of the “greats” of both the cowhorse and the cutting horse world. We’re talking world champion trainers, incredibly wealthy clients, and some of the most talented horses you could ever imagine. I saw things that came right out of a mystery novel, from outright scams and incredible abuse, to charming sociopaths who would rip you off without a second thought. I also met some genuinely good-hearted folks who knew more about training a horse than most backyard horsemen can even imagine. I learned a lot. I saw a lot of, uhmm, colorful things. And when I began writing mystery novels at the age of thirty, I knew where I would set those novels.

            And so Cutter, my first novel, was set in the world of cutting horses. For those of you who have read the book, I can assure you that every single character and incident was based (sometimes loosely) on something I actually saw or knew about (with the exception of the murders, of course). The horses, too, are all horses I have known. Cutter is rated 4 stars on Amazon and the Kindle edition is currently just 99 cents. Click on the title to find the book, and to read more info and reviews.

            Having finished Cutter, I knew I wanted to do justice to the even more cutthroat world of reined cowhorses, with its own subset of wealthy owners and high stakes trainers. And so Hoofprints was born. Here is a brief synopsis of the book (from Amazon):

In this second installment in the Gail McCarthy series, the young vet stumbles upon two murdered bodies in the course of a routine call. When a midnight emergency turns into an attempt on her life, Gail knows she must uncover the motive before its too late. Plenty of authentic horse lore and an action packed plot from an author who spent most of her life training cowhorses and knows whereof she speaks.

            Hoofprints has always been one of the most popular titles in my mystery series. It stands well on its own, but also holds its place as the second in a twelve book series about the life of veterinarian Gail McCarthy. One of the main characters in the book is Plumber, who, in real life is a horse I bought as an unbroken three-year-old and trained myself. Plumber went on to become a winning rope horse, bringing home numerous trophy saddles and buckles and many, many paychecks. The real Plumber is very much as described in the book—a sweet, kind, willing horse who really likes people. I still own Plumber—he is 24 years old and lives here with me as a retired horse and we all give him lots of love and attention.

            Plumber as a baby, next to his mother, Bucky.

            Plumber packing my son and me—yes, I know we should have worn helmets, but Plumber packed us like this without one misstep for three years.

            Plumber today--24 years old.

            So for anyone who enjoys a good mystery and loves horses—here is a Halloween gift for you. Hoofprints will be free today and tomorrow as a Kindle edition. Get it while you can.

            Happy Halloween!

FREE Book!

                                                by Laura Crum

            Since its fall, and some of us read more in the fall and winter (I know I do), I thought I’d offer a chance to start reading my mystery series featuring an equine veterinarian for free. If you like these novels, you’ll have some fun horse-themed books to read all winter long. So for the next three days you can get Cutter, the first book in the series, for free as a Kindle edition (Oct 23^rd through Oct 25^th). Click on the title to find the link to the free edition. And then next week you can get Hoofprints (the second book in the series) for free, starting Weds the 30^th (I’ll post here about it). This will give you a good start on the 12 book series for free. You won’t have to spend a penny to see if you enjoy these novels or not.

            Of course, I’m willing to bet that you will enjoy my mystery series, especially if you enjoy this blog and my posts here. Particularly if you have horses or are interested in horses. Because my mystery novels are very much about horses, and, if you read this blog regularly, you will definitely recognize some of the horse “characters” in the books.

            The stories center around the western horse world here in California, and some of my friends from other horse disciplines and different parts of the world have said that they have really enjoyed learning about these various cowhorse events that I have competed in over the years. Horse people of all sorts can relate to trail riding through spectacular country. There is also plenty of danger, the requisite number of dead bodies, and some absolutely thrilling horseback chase scenes. The one thing I can promise you is that all the horse background is absolutely accurate, and came straight out of my forty years of owning/training/riding horses.

            Here is the one-sentence blurb for Cutter, to give you a sense for whether you might enjoy this book. “Veterinarian Gail McCarthy thought cutting horse trainer Casey Brooks was being paranoid with his stories of poisoned horses and sabotage, but when his blue roan mare returns riderless and Casey is found dead, she isn’t so sure.” For more info and to see many reviews, as well as the opportunity to get the free Kindle edition, click on the title. Cutter is rated 4 stars on Amazon.

            For those who are interested, the artwork on the cover of Cutter was based on a photo of Gunner and me cutting a cow. Gunner is 33 years old this fall, and after a setback a few weeks ago that I thought might be the end of him, he is once again doing well. Here we are fifteen years ago.

            And here is Gunner last week.

            Gunner has aged a bit, yes. And so have I. But despite being round, middle-aged and not in the best of shape (to put it kindly), I still enjoy a good gallop up the hill on my current riding horse, Sunny.

            So, please, if you have any interest in reading mysteries on Kindle, take me up on the free book offer. And next week you can collect the second book, Hoofprints, for free also (its currently only 99 cents). And then, if I’m lucky, you’ll be dying to read the rest of the series—all ten of these books are just $2.99 each as Kindle editions. The order is Roughstock, Roped, Slickrock, Breakaway, Hayburner, Forged, Moonblind, Chasing Cans, Going Gone and Barnstorming.

            Those who have read my novels, feel free to give me some reader reviews in the comments. And yes, I can take a bit of criticism as well as praise. And I deeply appreciate every kind comment— especially if you are willing to put said comment on Amazon or Goodreads as well. Not to mention the wonderful blog posts I’ve read about my books over the years. These positive reader reviews are SO important to authors nowadays. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have taken the time to do this. I very much appreciate it.

Sadness, Old Horses, and a Free Book

                                    by Laura Crum

            My good friend lost her 33 year old horse last week. He had been having problems getting up and finally one day, he was just unable to get up, and she knew it was time. This doesn’t make it easy. Even when we know it is the right time, it is so hard to lose a horse that has been part of your life for many years.

            I, too, have a 33 year old horse. I bought him when he was three years old and had thirty days riding. I trained him myself and competed on him at several different events. The bridle my son uses on his horse, Henry, features a headstall that Gunner won in a cutting contest many years ago. The trophy buckles Gunner and I won together are in the drawer next to my bed.

            Gunner and I covered a lot of miles. Thirty years of him being my horse. Today he is a bit peggy, but pretty sound. Will trot and lope and even buck and spin a little. Here he is in a picture taken just a few days ago –33 years old. He is growing his winter coat, so looks fuzzy, but I think you can see that his weight is still pretty good.

            I know that Gunner probably doesn’t have many years left.      I bought him when I was 25. He’s been with me the whole time since then. He really is part of my family. I treasure every day with him. But there is an underlying sadness. I know our time is limited.

            My other retired horse, Plumber, has had an off again on again slight lameness in his right front for awhile. Every time I get ready to have the vet out, he seems fine. His feet were trimmed recently and we could find no sign of a bruise or any tenderness using the hoof testers. There is no swelling or heat. No sign of an injury. So I’m just keeping an eye on him.

            Here you see my son giving Plumber (a very friendly horse) a little love.

            Winter is coming. Much as I like fall, I can’t help thinking about the rain (and mud) to come. Horse keeping is so much harder in the winter, especially with old horses. I’m kind of dreading it. So I’m a little sad right now. And then again, its Sept 11^th, a day which seems plenty sad enough.

            But, there is much that is good. Sunny enjoys mowing the grass outside the veggie garden…and his bright gold self always makes me smile.

            We go swimming in the ocean on pretty days.

            And we visit the fields where my husband grows begonias—which are in full bloom right now. How pretty is that?

            And there is always riding in the woods.

            Ok, last cheerful thought. My second novel, Hoofprints, will be free as a Kindle edition for the next three days. Starting today, Weds the 11^th, and going through Friday the 13^th (how fortuitous, right?). Hoofprints has always been one of the most popular books in the series, so if you’d like to check out my mystery novels featuring an equine veterinarian as a protagonist, here’s your chance. Click on the title to find the free Kindle edition. Cutter, the first book in the series, is only 99 cents. Again, click on the title to find the Kindle edition.

Postscript--the Future (and My Life as a Hermit at Burgson Lake)

                       by Laura Crum

            This last series of posts that I’ve written about “My Life With Horses,” has focused on just that—my life with horses. I’ve deviated only enough to explain how and why my life with horses has changed over the years. But there is an aspect of my history that did not come into the story (as I told it) that has a big influence on how I see my future “life with horses.” So I thought I’d explain it now (for those readers, however few, that are interested in how my life with horses has evolved).

            When I was twenty-two years old and in my third year of college as an English major, I became fascinated by Henry David Thoreau’s book, Walden. I read and re-read it and slowly I became determined to give his idea a try. (For those who haven’t read this classic, the book tells the story of how Thoreau spent a couple of years living alone in a cabin he built by Walden Pond, and the insights that came to him there.) I knew I wasn’t going to be able to build a cabin, or try Thoreau’s experiments in self-sufficiency, nor would I be able to live this way for years. But I came up with a concept that I thought was workable.

            Those who have read this series of posts about my life will have figured out by now that I was a pretty determined person in my youth, and when I had a goal, I didn’t let go of it easily. And my goal became spending a summer living alone in a tent at a remote Sierra lake. My version of Walden.

 Easier said than done, of course. But I persevered. My boyfriend at the time lived in the town of Sonora, in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. He knew a woman who was the daughter of one of the original forest rangers in that region. He told the woman of my goal. I needed a lake that was enough off the beaten path that I could be alone there, but it needed to be close enough that I could walk out and get supplies once in awhile. The lady said she knew of such a lake.

And one spring weekend the mountain lady hiked with me and my four month old Queensland Heeler pup, Joey, to Burgson Lake, near the Dardanelles, in the Clark Fork Wilderness. Getting to Burgson Lake involved five miles down a dirt road to the trail head, five miles hiking down a well marked trail and one mile off trail to the lake. Burgson Lake was sort of a well-kept secret. It was relatively easy to get to, and a little gem of a lake. It was marked on maps. But there was no trail that led to it and no signs, so very few people went there (at the time—this was thirty years ago).

I loved Burgson Lake at first sight. I can envision it perfectly all these years later, cradled in gray granite, rimmed with pine trees, poised on the rim of a great silvery canyon, with a view of the big volcanic cones called the Dardanelles. I found a campsite at the far end of the lake, protected by a little grove of pine trees, and made my plans.

One month later, I moved in. I had packed up enough food for three months (granola, nuts, dried fruit, beef jerky, trail mix…etc), to be augmented by weekly trips to town for fresh food. This load took one pack mule. I had enough books for three months of solitude, and following Thoreau’s guidance, I took the “greats”—no summer romances here. Plato, Aristotle, the Bhagavad-Gita, War and Peace…you get the point. This load of books took another pack mule. And I had an old African safari type canvas tent that I had borrowed from friends (thinking it was as close to a cabin as I was going to get), a folding cot, and all the usual camping gear. This took another mule.

And one early summer day, I rode a rented horse named Tex ahead of a packer and the three mules and guided the string into Burgson Lake (where the packer had never been before). And the packer unloaded my mules and helped me set up the big tent and left me there with my young dog. And so began what was perhaps the most interesting summer of my life. A time which is shaping my future to this day—or so I believe.

I still have the journals I wrote during the time I spent at the lake, and they begin with my impassioned desire to get away from the busyness and turmoil of every day life and have “the time and space to watch the sunset die out of the sky.” I envisioned many long hours sitting by the lake just watching whatever came to pass, reading, writing, thinking. Along with days of solitary hiking and swimming. And all these things happened, just as I planned. And yet it was nothing like what I had thought it would be.

To begin with I was very excited. I set up my camp, and I took a swim in the lake. Burgson Lake was a perfect swimming lake in the summer—cool, but not too cold. As evening drew in, I built a fire, had a glass of wine (or two) and some trail mix and beef jerky for dinner and watched the light die out of the sky, just as I’d hoped and planned. My young dog pressed himself close to me, not yet used to the big wild world where we now lived. And when it got dark, I crawled into my sleeping bag on the cot (quite comfortable) and went to sleep watching the orange-y shadows of the firelight flicker on the canvas walls of the tent. And I had a very odd dream. One that I remember to this day.

In the dream I was right where I was in reality, in my camp on the shore of Burgson Lake. I recognized the boulder strewn granite terrain instantly. Crossing the granite, in full view of me, was an animal that I immediately recognized as a snow leopard. And this was odd because I had never seen a snow leopard in my life, never even seen a photo of one. But somehow I knew it was a snow leopard, and in retrospect, since I have now seen many photos of this animal, I can say that it looked like a snow leopard. But how my brain created that image is beyond me. Anyway, this snow leopard paced along a granite ridge in the Sierras, where it certainly did not live in real life, looked back at me once and was gone. I have a vague notion that I tried to follow it. That was it.

Doesn’t seem very significant or memorable does it? But from the moment when I awoke the next morning to the present day, more than thirty years later, that dream remains vivid in my mind. I knew it meant something. I just didn’t know what.

It was only when many years had passed, maybe twenty years, that I read a book about totem animals and vision quests. And to my amazement, I recognized what had happened to me all those years ago. Because completely unknowingly, I had more or less fulfilled the criteria for a vision quest, moving heaven and earth in my determination to be alone at the lake. And as is said to happen, on the first night I spent alone there I dreamed of my totem animal. The fact that I had no idea what a vision quest was, or what a totem animal was, or even what a snow leopard was, makes this seem pretty magical to me. I couldn’t have projected these concepts—because I’d never heard of them. Judge for yourself.

Anyway, there I was, twenty-two years old, alone at Burgson Lake, having had a dream I knew had some spiritual significance, even if I didn’t know what it meant, and ready to begin my “Walden” experiment. And this is where I got my comeuppance.

Here I am with my dog, Joey, on the shore of Burgson Lake. Photo taken by a friend who hiked in to visit me.

(To be continued)

Also, tomorrow is the last day to get my first mystery novel for FREE as a Kindle edition. Cutter will be free through tomorrow, July 11^th.  Hoofprints, the second in the series, is currently just 99 cents. Click on the titles to find the Kindle editions if you'd like some very affordable, fun, horse-themed summer reading.

My Life With Horses--Part Twelve (and a Free Book)

                                                by Laura Crum

            Here is where I must play catch up and add in all that has been left out. Because I have told the story of the seven wonderful forever horses that came to me, but left out many other parts of my life with horses.

            My first forever horse, Burt, was turned out for many years in a friend’s pasture, fifteen minutes from my home. He was joined by a motley collection of horses, two that I took because they were sweet old rope horses that deserved to be retired (ET and Gray Dog), along with Wally’s great old heel horse, Pistol, who was retired due to arthritic changes, plus another horse of Wally’s that I had trained who crippled up due to EPM in the prime of life (Rebby), and the last colt I ever trained (Danny), who tore up his stifle joint in a freak collision with a pickup truck. Danny would have been euthanised by his current owner, but I took him back and rehabbed him and eventually he was sound enough to be a pasture pet. I had Gunner turned out there for awhile, too. So at one point we had six or seven of these pasture pets.

            But life moves on. Pistol grew too sore to be comfortable even on painkillers, so we had to euthanise him when he was 25. And eventually Burt died of a massive stroke at 35 years of age. ET and Rebby were both very hard keepers, and as they got into their thirties and late twenties respectively, it became impossible to keep them at a good weight in the pasture, even with tons of supplemental feed. And Wally and I were both getting overloaded trying to take adequate care of all the horses we were responsible for. A couple of years ago we made the difficult decision to euthanise Rebby and ET and bring Gunner home. The pasture owner kept Danny and Gray Dog for her pets, and they are still doing well there.

            Wally is eighty this year and, like me, has decided he no longer wants to ride young horses. He gave his young horse, Smoky, to a good home that had already taken a previous horse from him, Lester. And Smoky and Lester are happy, useful riding horses to this day with owners who love them. Wally’s gray gelding, Twister, has been living with me since he bought the horse as a six year old. (Twister has definitely "whited out" as he aged.) 

            Twister turns 17 this year and he is the last horse Wally has left, and will probably be the last horse Wally owns. I have made a commitment to keep and care for Twister until he dies. I owe it to the horse and to Wally. Twister and Wally accompanied my son and me with Henry and Sunny, on many, many expeditions. So Twister has a forever home with me.

My gold, silver and copper horses.

            Today I have five forever horses living with me on my small horse property (five horses is the maximum number I can have here). My own Gunner, Plumber and Sunny, my son’s Henry and Wally’s Twister. Flanigan and Toby the pony are buried here, and Burt is buried in the pasture where he lived for his last ten years and where he died.

            Gunner is 33 and still doing well. 

            Plumber is 24, retired, and sound, perky and happy.

            Henry is 25 and my son rides him a couple of days a week, mostly at the walk and trot. Henry is still perfectly sound and shows no sign of weakening. 

            Sunny is going strong. I think he may be nearly twenty years old. He has no papers and when I bought him he was said to be 10, but the vet said he had “funny” teeth, and could have been as old as 15. So who knows? But he is sound and strong and I ride him a couple of times a week on average. 

            Wally is recovering from knee surgery currently, so Twister, whose usual job is team roping horse, is getting a little downtime. Twister is sound and strong and doing well at 17 years, and Wally is already back to riding again and will be roping soon. Here's a recent photo (taken on 4th of July) of Twister and Wally along with my son and Henry on Wally's first ride post knee surgery (exactly one month after the operation).

            As I’ve known for awhile, if I keep taking good care of these forever horses (which I plan to do) there is a chance that in five years or so, I’ll have five older horses that are not ridable for anything more than puttering around—and no place to put a younger riding horse. And that’s OK. Its Ok because I love these horses and am deeply grateful for all the hours of happy riding time that every single one of them has given. I don’t in the least begrudge becoming their caregiver as they get older. Yes, I like to ride, but I have achieved all the goals I set myself in my life with horses and my mind and heart are both full to the brim with everything that horses, and these horses in particular, have brought to me. If there is more riding to come, that’s great. And if there is not I take complete joy in spending time with my horses and connecting through them with all the wonderful things we have done together. Time past is as present as time present when I am with my horses.

            I will add that it is important to me that every single one of these horses are good horses who have been great riding horses. None of them EVER purposefully dumped or harmed a human (to my knowledge). And yes, this matters to me. It is not my calling to babysit a herd of rescue horses who never had a partnership with humans, and would be happy to kick your block off or dump you on your head. It’s my pleasure and privilege to reward some fine horses who are richly deserving of a happy, peaceful retirement after their long, steady years of good service. And who are now, as they always were, a true pleasure to be around. I will feed them three times a day, and brush them and doctor them as needed, and ride them lightly if it seems right, and turn them out to graze and live happily with them in my garden. 

            As with my horses, so with my novels. I set out initially to write an even dozen, and that goal has been accomplished. People have asked me if I will write more, and the truthful answer is that I don’t know. The novels cover twenty years in the life of horse vet Gail McCarthy—she is 31 in the first story (Cutter) and 50 in the last installment (Barnstorming) and it took twenty years of my life to write the books. Gail goes through many of the life changes that I have gone through in the course of the series. My husband said, upon reading this series of posts, “You need more anecdotes.” Well, the anecdotes are all in the novels. The names have been changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty—but most of the things I describe in the stories, really happened in some form or other. I wove the events of my life into my books. (Oh, and just by chance, this series of posts about my life with horses is also twelve episodes in total--serendipity.)

And yes, its possible that I could write more about Gail, but its also possible that I won’t. And either way is fine with me. As I said about my horses, I’ve achieved the goals I set myself and I am happy and at peace with where I am now.

There are those who ask, what’s next? Well, I don’t know, and I am OK with not knowing. I may have many more adventures ahead of me, or I may live a peaceful, fairly solitary and hermitish life from now on. Right now my focus is on raising my young son. My life is good and I love every minute of it. I spend as much time as I can with my husband and child and our critters and garden. I try to enjoy the present moment fully. I don’t ask for more. And I am very grateful for all that I have. I will always love my horses, and if luck favors me, I will always live with them.

I know that there are some who will consider this a sort of “do nothing” life. There are those who think one must have goals and be working hard to achieve these goals for life to have meaning (both with horses and in general). There are those who think one must be busy to be happy. I am not in this group. I feel I have been plenty busy and productive in my life, and I have achieved pretty much every goal on my “bucket list.” It’s my intuition that moving on to a more contemplative stage at this point in my life is a good thing, not a bad thing. If you want to read more thoughts on this subject, I wove them into the last book in my series, Barnstorming. This book somewhat tells how I view my own future, as well as how I see Gail’s future.

Finally, I am deeply grateful for all my readers. And so, I’d like to offer a gift. For the next five days, Cutter, the first book in the series, and always one of the most popular titles, will be FREE as a Kindle edition. (Starting today, July 7^th, and going through Thurs, July 11^th.) Hoofprints, the second book, is currently on sale for 99 cents. So right now, for less than a dollar, you can read the first two books in the series. The remaining ten books are available for just $2.99 each as Kindle editions. The order is Cutter, Hoofprints, Roughstock, Roped, Slickrock, Breakaway, Hayburner, Forged, Moonblind, Chasing Cans, Going Gone, and Barnstorming. Click on the titles to find the Kindle editions. And for those who have read some of these books, I would be eternally grateful (really) if you would post reviews on Amazon or Goodreads. These reviews mean a great deal to authors nowadays. A huge thank you to those who have already done so. And I very much hope that you enjoy my stories. Cheers--Laura