by Laura Crum
That
is how I see myself these days. Sort of like a cat lady, only with an
over-abundance of horses rather than cats. I know, many of you will protest
that mid-fifties isn’t old, and in a way you are right. However, I am old in
the way of hours spent in the saddle aboard a horse. I spent twenty-five years
(from fifteen until forty) non-stop riding, training and competing on a wide
variety of horses, in three different very-demanding events. Not to mention
many hours on the trail and horse packing/camping in the mountains. My mystery
series was born out of my desire to convey some of the magic and delight I
found in all those years spent horseback.
I
took a break in my forties to have a child and raise him (oh, I rode
occasionally, but it was always with a kid in the saddle in front of me or
ponying my child’s leadline pony). Then, when I turned fifty, I bought two
solid, older geldings and for five years my boy and I rode the trails non-stop.
We rode at least two or three days every week through all kinds of terrain—our
local trails through the coastal hills, the beach, the redwood forest, the
mountains. And these years provided the inspiration for the last four books of
my horse-themed series.
And
now? Well, the short answer may be that I’m tired. Those of you who have spent
thirty years steadily horseback (and for many of those years I rode seven days
a week), might understand. Or maybe you are in a different space mentally and
are just pushing on to new horseback achievements. Those who are in an
“earlier” stage of your horse life (at least in the sense of lifetime hours
spent in the saddle) may find my attitude kind of perplexing. Because I still
love my horses. I just don’t have a lot of motivation or ambition to ride right
now.
I’ve
been through this before, and I’m aware it may be a stage. I’m not fighting my
head about it (too much). I’m pretty accepting that this is how I feel at this
point in my life. I still ride (maybe once a week), mostly here on my own
property. I cruise my little yellow horse around the riding ring for awhile and
then let him gallop the quarter mile up the hill from the gate to the house a couple
of times. This seems to be enough for both of us at the moment.
My
horses are older, too. Sunny, my riding horse, is in his late teens (I think).
Henry, my son’s riding horse, is 25. Both horses are sound, but both are
obviously a bit stiffer and slower to warm up and move out freely than they
were when I bought them, six years ago. They don’t seem to mind a lighter
riding schedule—at all.
My
other two horses, Gunner and Plumber, are retired. A lot of my horse life right
now is taking care of 33 year old Gunner. He’s got an arthritic knee that is
getting worse and he’s having a harder time keeping weight on than he did a
year ago. His appetite is not as good as it was. But he is still bright-eyed
and perky and seems to enjoy life. I let him out to graze every day (which he
is very eager to do), and I give him pain meds, and I feed him (and all the
others) three times a day. Lately I’ve been blanketing Gunner every evening and
taking his blanket off every morning, hoping to help him keep weight on. Along
with all the regular horse chores (and all the other life chores), it keeps me
busy.
But I don’t begrudge the time spent
with my retirees. I enjoy it. I look at them and think how lucky I am. I bought
both Gunner and Plumber as three year old horses. Gunner had thirty days on
him; Plumber had never been ridden. I trained both these horses myself and went
on to ride them all their working lives. Both horses won many competitions and
carried me for many miles. They are still my horses today and greet me with
eager nickers every time they see me. Plumber is twenty-four and I’ve owned him
for twenty-one years. Gunner is thirty-three and I’ve owned him for thirty
years. How many horse people can say this? If I did nothing but look after
these two beloved horses, I would consider myself so lucky.
And then there is life. That
sometimes annoying part of life that has nothing to do with horses. The truth
is that I have had a difficult and emotionally draining autumn in many ways and
I find my desire to be with my horses--watching them graze, or eat their hay,
or just brushing them-- is stronger than my desire to hitch up the trailer and
go somewhere, or even to head out my front gate and cross the busy road to get
to our nearby trails. My son, at thirteen, is more interested in riding his
bike than his horse these days, so I have been doing a lot of riding the trails
with my husband and son on two wheels rather than four hooves.
Actually, riding a bike rather than
a horse is probably a good thing, as I am, if not truly old, definitely getting
stout and stiff, and pumping that bike up a hill is a hell of a lot more
exercise than letting Sunny carry me up the same hill. So I ride my bike as
much as my horse right now.
I’m not sure what the future will
hold for me horse-wise, in terms of riding. I may ride a lot more in the new
year, and I may not. I’m pretty sure I’ll ride at least occasionally—I can’t
imagine my life any other way. One thing I do know, the five horses I have here
have a permanent home with me and I will take care of them until their time is
done. If this means my entire horse life is taking care of a bunch of retired
horses, so be it. These horses have paid their dues and given me years of good
times in the saddle, carried me for so many, many miles, taken good care of me
in all kinds of “interesting” situations. Every time I feed them, or turn them
out to graze, those many happy riding hours are present in the moment, as I run
my hand over their shoulder or touch noses with them. Time past as present as time
present.
Does anybody else out there share
this feeling? I do sometimes feel like the only slacker in an internet horse
world that is full of people busy doing lots of very active things with their
horses. Not that there is anything wrong with having a busy, active horse life.
Not at all. I was that person for many years, and enjoyed it very much. It’s
just not where I’m at now. And I’m curious to know if there are others that
share my current emotions.
