Boots in the Tack Room

Yesterday I washed Gailey's boots, saddle pads, and polo wraps. I carried them out to my little barn and opened the tack room door. I gazed around the small room, looking for a place to store them because Gailey won't be needing them anymore, neither will I. At least not for the foreseeable future.

I thought I was okay with it. I really did, but a dull pain filled me as I looked at all the tack, different items I'd used over that past thirteen years of owning Gailey, and past twenty-eight years of having a riding horse in my life. An emptiness consumed me, the kind of which I hadn't felt since my divorce.

A week ago the vet checked Gailey yet again because of her on-going lameness. His pronouncement didn't suprise me. Her suspensories have finally "given out" and while she appears comfortable and still leaps and bucks in the paddock, she's not rideable. And won't be. Ever.

If I took her home, he said I could probably take her on short, leisurely trail rides at a walk. For now, she remains at the barn to see if she can have a baby. If she takes, she'll stay there through next year. If not, she'll come home. The vet didn't feel the pregnancy would be a big issue for her legs, just put in extra long bar shoes behind.

At first, I was relieved. Finally, I had my answer. Not having a horse to ride every day freed me up to work on my writing, finish several more books, and publish them. I devised a schedule for the various books I wanted to complete, believing in a year I might be able to earn enough money for an nice horse. The first book in my Seattle Lumberjacks Football Series, Fourth and Goal was released a week ago, my first Jami Davenport release in two years. I drowned myself in promo for the book and writing the sequel.

And I was okay with it, really I was. After all, I'd still be riding once a week in lessons, only on someone else's horse.

I brought home my equipment from the boarding stable--stuff I wouldn't be needing--and began the process of cleaning it and putting it away.

Yesterday as I washed and stored Gailey's boots, it hit me. No longer would I be putting these boots on her legs. I felt this enormous loss similar to when I divorced, this empty hole only a horse can fill. An entire after-work routine which I'd followed the past twenty-plus years was gone. No longer would I be going to the barn to saddle up my mare, put on her boots, ride around the arena talking to the other boarders, practicing dressage movements, while dodging other riders. Oh, I could still go to the barn, but it wasn't the same. I don't fit in. I'm not one of them. I don't have the same experiences as the other boarders do. I'm not readying myself for the next show.

Sure, I still have a horse. I can still visit her, let her graze at the end of the lead rope, brush her, and breathe in the wonderful, unique smell of horses. I just can't go through the routine of preparing to ride, riding, and cooling out. Not with my own horse.

To me it's a grieving process, and I'll survive because someday there will be another horse. I've had doubts I'd replace Gailey. Yet as I placed her boots in a plastic container and stored them in my tack room, I knew I would replace her eventually. Not having a horse to ride was not an option.

For now, I'll have to be content to ride school horses and visit my own horse after work.

But someday...

Holistic Healing and My Horse

Wow, it seems like I’ve been gone for a while. My life has been this whirlwind of activity for the past few weeks, but I promised I’d post about my experience with a holistic practitioner.

Unfortunately, because of the recent chaos in my life, I lost the brochure which described the woman’s methods and she doesn’t have a website. I’m going to have to use my questionable memory to reiterate what she did and said.

I’m a member of a trail riding club that has been holding holistic health clinics for equines and riders for the past year. The clinician is a local woman named Tonya. I haven’t been able to make any of the clinics. When one was held last month, I signed up. It was titled: emotional therapy for horses through holistic healing. Now, since I lost the brochure, that’s an approximate title, but you get the idea.

I’ve been having lameness issues with my dressage mare, Gailey, off and on for the past year. I’ve spent a lot of money, and the results have been inconclusive. A few weeks before this clinic, Gailey had hooked a shoe on the trailer ramp and slid down the ramp on her butt, landing in a heap at the bottom. She’d been lame ever since and was lame at the time I attended this clinic.

I explained to Tonya my horse’s background, which includes some very serious injuries and major trailer trauma early in her life. I’ve blogged about her trailering issues in a previous blog. She thought about it for a few minutes then began to check out my horse. Within a few minutes, she announced that my horse’s lameness issues were induced by trauma, not physical issues. Using a combination of acupressure and other methods that I can’t remember the names—since I lost that DARN brochure—she spent a few minutes working on my mare’s back, head, and neck.

She then concocted this vial, which consisted of remedies made from certain flowers. I believe they were called Bach remedies. As she explained to me, horses in the wild seek out certain flowers for their healing properties. She didn’t believe I’d need another treatment but was to call if I did.

I gave my mare a day off then rode her the next day. She seemed sound. Then life intruded upon my world, and I was unable to ride for about two weeks. Last Thursday, I had a lesson, My trainer commented that she’d ridden the horse earlier that day and that the mare seemed sounder than she’d been in a long time. She also mentioned that she wouldn’t have hesitated to show the horse that weekend if she’d been entered in a show.

So go figure. I’ll leave it up to you. Did a little time off heal Gailey? Or did her holistic treatment? I really don’t know, but I plan to do more research on the subject. I’d love to hear about your experiences with holistic healing.

On the book front in my life, I contracted The Gift Horse. It will be a 2009 release with Bookstrand. My first two books (The Dance and Who’s Been Sleeping in My Bed?) are now available in print via Amazon and Barnes and Noble and in ebook format from the publisher and Fictionwise.

I’m blogging at Title Magic tomorrow and the subject is “Telling a Story from a Horse’s Point of View.” Stop in and say hi.